Under the mistletoe - Part 10

[4kennedy]

Title: Under the mistletoe
Author: 4kennedy
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: Cameron/Sarah
Rating: PG-13
Summary: As Christmas is coming closer even the Connor household gets into the seasonal spirit.
Disclaimer: I unfortunately don’t own them; they belong to FOX television and Warner Brothers.
Notes: Written for charrua33. The wish on the Christmas wish list at passion_perfect was 'Getting caught under the mistletoe'. Thanks to my wonderful beta reader gsr_rocks!


Part 10

At half past twelve in the night on the twentieth of December Sarah was sitting on the edge of her bed, tapping with one foot and staring at the door. She was tense and nervous, but it wasn’t the usual agitation which always accompanied her.

At first she had thought that it was because she wasn’t sure whether she should really go downstairs and keep the promise she had given to Cameron for some action under the mistletoe. But she had made that decision and had come to accept the situation as it was. She had taken her time to set her mind on this and had pondered more than enough about it over the last couple of weeks, so she wasn’t willing to take a step back or to put an end to all of this. It was definitely too late for that.

One reason why Sarah was nervous was that she felt like a teenager again. She had to admit that it was quite exciting; there was a tingling knot in her stomach when she imagined kissing Cameron and exploring whatever was going on between them further. To have a secret ‘date’ under the mistletoe in the middle of the night also put a little extra thrill in it.

The other reason why Sarah was nervous was that she still had some questions for the girl and feared that she wouldn’t like the answers she might get. But at some point she would have to ask them. After all these months, Cameron was still somewhat mysterious and Sarah was sure that the terminator kept certain things from her and John.

With a slap of her hands on her knees, Sarah got up and pressed her fingertips to her forehead when suddenly the constant headache flared up with new intensity. She hadn’t taken the painkillers yet as they would make her fall asleep shortly after taking them.

She inhaled deeply and opened the door. The hallway was dark and empty. She stopped shortly at John’s bedroom door, but all was silent and so she made her way down the stairs. The rest of the house was also enveloped in darkness and for the first time, Sarah realized how depressing it was and how lonely it must be for Cameron to spend every night like this, keeping them under surveillance and waiting for the new day to begin. She had never given it much of a thought before.

“I have waited for you,” came Cameron’s bodiless voice from somewhere to her right and it made Sarah almost jump out of her skin.

“Christ! Are you trying to give me a frickin’ heart attack?” the raven-haired woman cursed and held her hand over her racing heart.

“No,” Cameron assured her and stepped out of the shadows so that Sarah could make out her features more clearly in the moonlight, which fell through the windows. Some of the Christmas lights, which decorated the house, were blinking and flashes of green, red, and blue illuminated the room as well. The lights of the tree weren’t plugged in. “I was unsure if you appreciated it when I would provide candlelight. I also processed the possibility of playing a CD with adequate music for the occasion.”

Sarah raised a questioning eyebrow and her lips morphed into an amused smile, while her heart had calmed down somewhat again. “But?” She had to admit that it was touching that Cameron had obviously researched what a date usually entailed. It was also odd that a terminator would waste time with something so irrelevant to the mission.

“As I said, I was unsure whether it would be welcome to provide a romantic environment when our state of relationship has yet to be confirmed. You have also said that it would be weird to go on a date with me,” Cameron explained, defensiveness shining through her terminator mask. She felt the need to hide her emotions at least to a certain point under her programming; the hours she had had to wait for Sarah to come down to the living room had been unexplainably long for her. It had given her a lot of time to process and some results of it developed doubts. “I furthermore calculated an eighty-seven percent chance that you would not come at all.”

For the fraction of a second a victorious smirk appeared on Sarah’s lips. “I told you that you don’t know what I would or wouldn’t do,” she reminded her of what she had said after the terminator had shot Enrique, whom they had sought out to get new identification papers when they had jumped into the future.

Well, Enrique had been a rat, he had given information of his former cell mate to the police and who knew what else he would sell the cops? He had been a risk and Cameron had simply eliminated the threat. Nevertheless Sarah had been furious about it, not because she had killed Enrique, deep down she knew it had been a necessary evil. She had been livid, because the girl seemed totally unaffected that she had just ended a life, when she wished and longed to see at least a flicker of humanity cross those blank features and eyes.

“Yes, you’re unpredictable,” Cameron confirmed and recalled the moment when Sarah had said those words to her. Cameron understood that the other woman had used her as an emotional outlet at the time, but even through her programming, her terminator mode in total control, it had still surprised her when Sarah had slapped her and yelled at her with tears in her eyes. It had hurt, and not only physically. All she had wanted was to be strong for Sarah, to take the burden of killing an old acquaintance away from her.

“And I like it that way. It gives me an advantage when your kind can’t calculate what I would most likely do.” Sarah bit her bottom lip as soon as she realized what she had just said, but it was too late to take it back. It wasn’t as easy as she had suspected to break her old habits. When there was a chance to lash out verbally or physically at Cameron for what she was, Sarah took it without a second thought.

The young brunette made a step toward the other woman so that she could see her expressionless face even clearer and asked in a cold voice, “My kind?”

Sarah held Cameron’s intensive stare, which bored right into her. She wouldn’t allow the girl to intimidate her and didn’t back away. “Terminators.”

Cameron moved another step closer to Sarah, not breaking their eye contact. “They are not my kind,” she said with a threatening undertone. If Sarah didn’t see, didn’t understand that she wasn’t like any other terminator… the zeros and ones eagerly offered to abort the senseless attempt to establish a relationship with the human immediately.

Her temper was rising within Sarah, anger was seething inside her. She snorted, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” It was ridiculous for Cameron to deny that she was a terminator. Briefly Sarah wondered whether this was another malfunctioning, whether the glitch was getting worse. The prospect of a rogue terminator right in her home worried her more than just a little.

“That I’m not of one them, I’m different.” The girl’s chin lifted proudly at that.

Sarah shook her head. This was exactly one of the topics she had wanted to discuss with Cameron, where there were still holes which needed to be filled. So far the terminator hadn’t shared with them what model she was, but she definitely wasn’t your average triple eight model. “Because John programmed you to be different,” she reminded Cameron.

Even though the terminator had also calculated the chance that Sarah would start arguing with her, it was frustrating. They always argued and as appealing as she found Sarah when she was enraged, Cameron didn’t like to quarrel with her. Besides they had met for another reason and she would prefer it much more if they skipped the dispute. “That is only correct to some extent. I was already different before John reprogrammed me.” However, she would not take this sitting down.

With a dry, humourless laugh, Sarah said, “We all like to believe that we’re something special, but we’re just small ants in a giant nest.” If anyone of them was special then it was John, the future leader of mankind. Cameron and her, they just played their parts, it didn’t matter if they still existed tomorrow, not as long as her son lived on to fulfil his destiny.

If Sarah’s vital signs weren’t any indicator, Cameron also saw the changes in her posture and in her features, which softened a little. The mind of the other woman was miles away.

The terminator decided to use the opportunity to get closer to Sarah, but not longer with the purpose to intimidate her. “The analogy does not apply to you. You are special; you differ greatly from other humans.” She raised one hand and placed it tenderly on Sarah’s cheek, making her programming to fade into the background. She needed Sarah to see and was pleased that the other woman didn’t shy away from the contact. “It does also not apply to me. I am able to explain to a certain degree, if you let me.”

Sarah couldn’t hold Cameron’s gaze any longer, her eyes skittered away and her body relaxed involuntary, her anger washed away with the girl’s simple touch and the small changes in her facial expression. “I’m not sure I wanna hear this,” she admitted.

“I believe you have to. Otherwise I do not calculate a great likelihood for us to reach a certain level of emotional closeness.” Cameron hesitated for a millisecond, her systems constricting with trepidation. “You already know parts of the truth, it is time you learn the rest.”

Sarah raised her hand and laid it on top of Cameron’s on her cheek, pressing it more firmly against her skin for a moment. Even in the almost darkness of the living room, she could see a glimmer of insecurity in the girl’s eyes. She nodded to encourage Cameron to continue, ignoring the cold pang of dread in her chest. “Just tell me... tell me everything.”

*****

Twenty minutes later Sarah was standing in the front garden, several feet away from the house and stared at the Christmassy decoration of it. The December air was cold and a chilly breeze made her shiver. She wrapped her arms around her torso tightly and breathed in deeply to clear her mind.

After Cameron had tried to explain to her how she was different from other terminators, Sarah had said that she needed some minutes alone and had left the house, not bothering to slip a jacket on.

What Cameron had told her about herself wasn’t as shocking or as unexpected as she had initially feared. She had feared and prepared for the worst. But as a matter of fact Sarah now felt reassured and relaxed. Some of the strain had left her body.

When Sarah had heard the girl talking about special infiltration programs, body chemicals like hormones and sensitivity of soft tissue, which translated the data into emotions and also the other way around, instead of simulating it, Sarah had been skeptical at first.

“Why would Skynet do something like that?” she had wondered justifiably, but Cameron had been ready for a question like this and recited a list of reasons: persuasive power, progress of technology and so on.

Cameron had no type of model; she was a test object, the only one of her kind. Skynet had created her to surpass itself, to close the last gap to finally win the war. And Cameron had been perfect in the beginning, fulfilling the mission within the expected parameters until the human streak to evolve let her grow beyond her programming.

So Cameron ran. She ran to the only place where she hoped to find help and answers. To the Resistance and foremost to the famous John Connor. He worked for over a week on her, barely sleeping and eating until he had cleared her hard coding of every streak to kill him, to collect data for Skynet and of every connection to Skynet, which they could use to connect to her chip and re-booting her original programming. Apart from that John had just talked to her, trying to figure out what her development meant, how far it went.

“What about the glitch?” Sarah had wanted to know at some point, gesturing at Cameron’s hand. The girl had already told her days ago that she herself caused it, the emotions she had for her, but Sarah had to ask her again.

Cameron’s answer to this question was a bit more hesitant as it wasn’t a fact she could easily recite; there was no explanation stored in her database. It was her own conclusion. The twitching of her hand or something like the miscalculation of how hard to push Sarah was the result of a battle inside her. Programming against emotions. Her original encoding had been set to include feelings, not to be dominated by them. “These are minor side effects; you do not need to worry. They will pass once my feelings and programs are completely in sync,” the girl had affirmed to her and Sarah had gone outside shortly after this.

The door to the back porch opened and Cameron stepped outside. She simply stood there and waited for the other woman to give her a sign that it was okay to go over to her.

Sarah nodded her approval with a lump in her throat. What the girl had told her was almost too good to be true, more than she’d dared to hope and exactly what she’d wished for. It definitely was one hell of a joke of the universe to play on her.

“I have brought you a jacket,” Cameron said once she was standing right in front of her, outstretching one arm to offer a black leather jacket. “You will be inefficient when you catch a cold.”

Sarah accepted the jacket and slipped it over her shoulders, silently appreciating Cameron’s concern for her health “Thanks.” She felt somewhat awkward around the terminator; her earlier words hadn’t quite settled down yet. “But I’m already not very useful at the moment. The damn headache just won’t go away.”

“I’m sorry. It is my fault that you are in pain,” Cameron apologized, worry was etched into her features around her eyes. “I would advise you to take a painkiller, but as you would reject it anyways, I will not recommend it.”

Sarah rolled her eyes in an exaggerated manner at this. “Stop apologizing for what happened in the alley, ok? We’ve talked this through, so no more self-blaming.”

They stood side by side in silence for a while, simply looking at the house and watching the Christmas lights. With every passing minute the atmosphere between them became more comfortable and Sarah could feel the self-constructed barriers inside her lowering.

Sarah shifted closer to the terminator, their arms brushed against each other, but it wasn’t enough. So she positioned herself in front of Cameron, leaning back until she was resting against the girl. “It’s freezing, but I don’t wanna go back inside yet,” she explained, reaching back until her hands found Cameron’s and bringing her arms around her. Her heart fluttered nervously at the new level of intimacy.

“I will keep you warm.” The terminator laid her hands flat on Sarah’s stomach and squeezed her reassuringly. With a simple command her skin began to heat up several degrees. She smiled against Sarah’s dark curls when she heard a content sigh from her.

After some minutes of enjoying the girl’s closeness, Sarah had to speak out loud what had been on her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? You know that I hate it when you lie to me or hide things from me.” Her voice lacked any anger, but a nuance of sadness resonated within her words. She wished Cameron would have told her the truth earlier if not right from the start. A lot of things would’ve been easier, different.

Cameron’s right thumb began to stroke Sarah’s stomach through her shirt; she took a moment to contemplate over her answer. “You weren’t ready. All you wanted to see in me was a terminator, you needed to hate me; there was no other option for you. Even if I had told you earlier, you would not have listened and accepted the possibility of it to be true that I am unlike other terminators.”

“Probably,” Sarah agreed and decided to leave it at that, knowing that Cameron was right. She still hated the machines, hated them for what they were, for the destiny and weight they had put on her and on her son and for the dark future of mankind they would bring some day if they didn’t stop it. But Cameron was no longer one of Skynet’s soldiers; she had willingly changed sides and was now a member of the resistance in the past that fought to alter the future. The resistance which was Sarah’s family. “Promise me, no more lies and no secrets, okay?”

“I promise,” the girl swore immediately and placed a kiss on top Sarah’s head. The emotions, this new experience brought, were so strong that her programming didn’t struggle for control and Cameron felt free to enjoy the situation like she was indeed human.

After some moments of silence Sarah decided to ask another question, which had kept her wondering for days, “What’s with the whole Christmas decoration? I know that the whole thing was your idea, so don’t try to blame it on John.”

Cameron didn’t reply, instead she just tightened her hold on the other woman, pressing her more firmly against her body. It was a subject she would prefer not to discuss right now in concern it might destroy the mood. “I promised not to lie to you.”

“Then don’t,” Sarah easily countered. “After all what you’ve just told me, how bad can it be?” She didn’t think that there was anything that could top Cameron’s confession of her true nature. The terminator had baked cookies for her to make her smile and happy, so she’d figured it was the same with the Christmas decoration. Sarah gave into the little fantasy, which popped into her head. She would tell Cameron that it was sweet of her and kiss her.

“I don’t want to upset you,” Cameron objected, but found her resistance crumbling when Sarah turned in her arms, bringing their bodies close again and looking into her eyes with a trust, which hadn’t been there before. The girl fought the urge to disappear into her programming, even though it would make it easier to tell Sarah her intentions. “It could be your last Christmas. I want it to be special for you.”

The raven-haired woman closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. The memory of Cameron telling her that she would have died two years ago of cancer, but that they had jumped over her time of death flashed in her mind. Fear gripped her heart and strangled it. She hadn’t forgotten about it, nevertheless it was still hard to be reminded of it like that. “Thanks,” was all Sarah could say without spilling the tears that already burned behind her eyes. She let her head drop on Cameron’s shoulder and buried her face in her neck, hugging the terminator firmly. “You didn’t tell John, did you?”

A tiny smirk appeared on Cameron’s lips when she recalled the situation where she had convinced John to participate in her Christmas plans. “No, I did not. I explained that it would higher the probability to get into your pants.”

Despite the sorrow she felt, Sarah had to chuckle at this. She’d have loved to see John’s face. “Neat trick,” she acknowledged and submitted to the feeling of protection, the girl’s arms provided.

Minutes passed by like this, before Sarah spoke again, “The most human colour is blue.” She had no clue why this thought had crossed her mind, but she wanted to share it with Cameron nevertheless. She raised her head from the terminator’s shoulder, finding her nose crinkled in a confused and adorable manner. “The earth is called the Blue Planet, most of its surface is covered by water. Humans are depending on water, our bodies consist of it,” she started to clarify her train of thoughts. “Your eyes, your terminator eyes… they shine blue.”

When Cameron had processed the meaning behind the words, her systems buzzed with delight. “Yes, they do. Thank you.” Sarah did now see, did now understand what she was. Not quite machine, not quite human, but something in between, tending toward one side more than the other. The side, she wanted to get as near as possible to and Sarah Connor was the one who brought that side out of her more than anything else. “You owe me a kiss,” she suddenly stated. “Do we still get to make out under the mistletoe?”

Sarah smiled tenderly and brought her hands up to hold the girl’s face. “Not tonight, girlie, sorry.” She leant slowly in and placed her lips softly on Cameron’s. They kissed gently for a couple of moments, brushing their lips together and sucking lightly. It was simple and sweet. “Goodnight, Cameron,” Sarah said, when she finally pulled away, grazing the girl’s cheek with her fingertips before turning around and heading back into the house.

“Goodnight, Sarah,” Cameron whispered, knowing that the other woman wouldn’t hear her but saying it nonetheless.

tbc…

A/N: Sarah's line "The most human colour is blue" was inspired by the song 'Blue lips' by Regina Spektor.
Blue, the most human color
Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away

Feeling:  hungry

Comments

[xejanfan.livejournal.com]

yay! i've been waiting for an update on this fic! the moments between cam and sarah are sweet and snarky and sexy, i love it! they're slowly finding their way to each other, accepting the other as she is. i can't wait to see how they evolve as a couple in the next chapters! i hope this fic doesn't end at christmas... cuz new year's and valentine's day are very special couple-y days that cam needs to experience... as a person... with human feelings... you know? *grin*

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to wait this long for an update :/ I was distracted by the pornbattle and as always by real life *sighs*
But I'm glad you liked the update, I really do enjoy writing those small moments between and making them important, because it's the small moment that matters.
well, it's not going to end with Christmas, but shortly after it. Valentine's day and stuff could be a subject in a sequel though ;) thanks for the comment.

[tanama30.livejournal.com]

omg wo what an update. i love that cameron and sarah were able to talk adn clear somethings. i love how in this chapter vulnerability of these two it was touching and heart clenching. i can't wait for more update soon plz.

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

it was about time that they cleared some thimgs =) thanks a lot!

[charrua33.livejournal.com]

You're doing such a lovely job in the build-up and progression of their relationship, giving us such plausible explanations for the characters' motivations and raisons d'être, that even though the much anticipated "date" got waylayed, I was (still) left emotionally satisfied and happy by the update.

Looking forward to more...

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

aw, thank you =) I'm a freak when it comes to explaining things, sometimes I think I explain too much though. I'm glad that you're emotionally satisfied and happy even though the date went a little bit different as expected *g*

[hirai.livejournal.com]

I get so excited when you update this :D Wonderful as always.

As soon as you mentioned blue, I thought of Regina's song and look at that XD

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

thanks a lot *g* I just had to use this line. I immediately thought of Cameron when I heard the song, but I couldn't let Sarah mention Regina as it's supposed to be Christmas 2008 and the song is from 2009.

[ravens-landing.livejournal.com]

Wonderful as always. I loved "The most human colo is blue." explanation from Sarah. I am very much looking forward to seeing where you take this.

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

thank you! I had to use the line 'the most human colour is blue' line as it was the first thing that came to my mind when I heard the song.

[red-hope1.livejournal.com]

Not that I haven't tormented you with a review on FF.net. But just wanted to add, fricken awesome job! When's the next chapter? :) haha!

I can be relentless....

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

you here? I tried to find you on lj, but wasn't able to. you have quite a fanclub here. I added you back of course =)
thank you for your comment here and on ff.net. the next chapter will be posted asap *g* whatever this means ;)
haha, it's good that you can be relentless. I sometimes need someone who pushes me a litte.

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

thank you so much. that all I'm aiming for with this story, hapiness. it's a Christmas story after all =)

[demoka.livejournal.com]

well... she did get a kiss (several in fact), making out will come some other time Cam, don't worry. I'm sure you can get Sarah all hot and bothered again easily in another time and place.

*giggles* ah, she's so smart in a human way too, raising her chances to get into Sarah's pants is definitely a great way to deter John from asking anything else!

Great chapter! It was wonderfully entertaining and sweet!

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

yup, Cam has no reason to complain about not getting kissed and the time for some making out will come.
What a son would dare to ask more questions when a hot cybernatic organism tells you she want's to get into your mother's pants? I surely wouldn't *g*
thank you, I'm glad you liked the chapter.

[trexkitten.livejournal.com]

The last couple of chapters were great! (I was a bit behind.) I'm glad Sarah is slowly starting to come around!

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

thank you =) damn, I always think that's kinda boring when you read some chapter in a row, because I repeat what happened before as it takes me some time to update.
of course Sarah would come around to it eventually ;)

[olli01a.livejournal.com]

I'm impressed by the up and down in the story. At first Sarah's pleasant anticipation because of the kiss under the mistletoe, then the argument and at the end back to sweet romance. Sarah's description od Cam's eye color is great.

[4kennedy.livejournal.com]

thank you so much! Cameron/Sarah has to be an up and down, at least for me. It wouldn't be them not to have arguments, it's a part of them.
And as for Sarah's description of Cam's eye color, it was the first thing that came to my mind when I listened to Regina Spektor's song 'Blue lips'. I had to use it.
thanks for commenting.